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  When I got to the door, I was pretty nervous. It took me a minute to pull myself together enough to knock on it. I don't know why I was suddenly so nervous, but I had a good idea of the reasoning. It was mainly because I knew what I was doing. I was making my desires known, even if I didn't really know what they were yet.

  He answered the door after a moment, and he had this look of surprise on his face.

  “I didn't think I would see you here tonight.”

  “You are the one that said you wanted to have a drink. Is it too late?”

  “Heather, I've been waiting for you a long time. It will never be too late.”

  I was talking about the drink, but I knew that Casper was talking about something else altogether. What was I going to do with him? I was literally around him less than a minute, and I could already feel my face burning. What was it that he did to me?

  9

  Casper

  I was pretty surprised to see Heather standing at my door. So many things had ended at the club when she was practically running away for me. I figured that I had lost my chance to see her tonight. It wasn't like I didn't want to; I was just a little taken aback to see her standing there.

  Heather seemed to know that she was messing with me a little bit, and she had that damn smile on her face that drove me crazy. She sat down on the edge of the bed and asked me how I was liking Vegas so far.

  “I've been here quite a few times. It's pretty much the same every time I come here.”

  “You come here a lot?”

  I told her that I did, and she had a look of confusion on her face. I could have made it easier for her to understand, but then again, I still wasn't committed to that. There were some things that maybe she didn't need to know about me. Not yet. For one crazy reason or another, I was convinced that the only way she was truly going to be mine, was to convince her I had changed. But, I wanted her to accept me as the man I was. Nothing else.

  “Yeah, haven't you ever been here before?”

  “No, I can't say that I have. Between school and work at the diner, I haven't had much time to do anything. I've had a little time off now, but I never thought to go to Vegas. I would've been happy just going to Michigan and hitting the Great Lakes for a couple of days. We went to Myrtle Beach for spring break last year, but it wasn't as great as I thought it would be.”

  “How could you not like spring break at Myrtle Beach? Your parents are loaded. How have you not traveled more?”

  “There was just a lot of people there and all anybody wanted to do was get drunk. Pretty much the same with vacations with the parents as well.”

  “So, you're still the designated driver, huh?”

  She took a drink of her rum and coke and agreed.

  “Everywhere I go. At least now, I don't have to worry about taking anybody home.”

  I don't know what exactly that meant, but I was hoping that it was Heather's way of saying that she was going to relax a little bit. Heather wasn't exactly uptight, but she had always been a bit more mature than the rest of her peers. Certainly, she was more mature than the group of friends she was with at the moment. Heather was always the one with her nose in books.

  She wasn't like all the other girls in a lot of ways. Heather had never been the type to sleep around and at first, it had really bothered me for obvious reasons, but I really liked the idea of it as well. Back then, I knew that I was the only one who had touched her before. We never got to the full state of affairs, but there were a couple of times that we almost got there. Now as I looked at her, that innocent look still in her eyes, I had to wonder if things had changed. And if they had changed, how much?

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Like what?”

  Her face got a little brighter red and she looked away. “I don’t know, Casper. You’re looking at me like you want to eat me.”

  My mind went to the dirty version almost immediately and she just shook her head, like I was a mess, before I finally said my piece.

  “I wouldn’t mind, Heather. I still remember your taste very well, even though you only let me do it twice.”

  She sighed out loud. “How do you even remember that, Casper?”

  “Trust me Heather, that isn’t something that a man will forget very quickly.”

  “It’s been years…”

  “Heather, you’re a woman that a man could never forget about.”

  She looked uncomfortable, and I quietly told myself I was going to have to rein it in. She didn’t want to hear all of that. Heather knew how I felt, always had. She was my kryptonite, and while I had tried hard to forget her, in the arms of many women, I hadn’t been able to shake her. As much as I wanted to, it felt impossible.

  She finished off her drink and put it in front of me.

  “Why don't we stop talking for a little bit and just drink?”

  I agreed with the sentiment, but in truth, I was wanting something a bit different. I was really hoping when she just popped up at my door, that something had changed. Maybe something had, but not enough. Not quickly enough.

  We started matching shots and Heather had this glazed in her eyes. It made me sure that she was feeling pretty damn good. Now, she was the one that wanted to talk about the past.

  “Do you really think that I didn't know?”

  “Didn't know what?”

  “About Sandra.”

  “What about Sandra?”

  “Well, how about how quickly the two of you got together after we broke up. It was hard to hear that, because you seemed to bring her over all the time. That drove me crazy.”

  “What if I told you that it's not even what happened? I couldn’t just get with someone else. I wanted you.”

  “So, you and Sandra weren’t together? You wouldn’t believe how badly I got her in trouble for that.”

  I shook my head.

  “God, no. I just wanted you and to be honest, I could never be with someone like her. She wasn’t my type at all. At least not back then.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I changed a lot after we were together. It’s kind of like there was a me before you and after you.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “So, what is the difference between the two?”

  “Well for one, the old me, took way too long to convince you.”

  “Convince me of what?”

  “You know, Heather.”

  She had this weird look on her face for a moment, and I knew that we were on the same page.

  “And now?”

  “Well now, I certainly don't want to waste any time. I think you’ll be a bit more receptive this time, Heather. There is something different with you, I can just feel it.”

  10

  Heather

  I looked away, because I honestly didn't know what to say to him. He certainly had a hungry look on his face as soon as I got into the room. I could feel the difference about him. I don't know if everything he said was true or not, but it certainly felt different. Casper was still Casper, however there was also a feeling like he was different as well.

  “What if things haven't changed that much?”

  That got his attention, and I found his confusion rather interesting. He looked at me like he was about to lose it.

  “What does that mean?”

  I kind of giggled. “I think you know what that means. Not that much has changed on my end, Casper. I am still not ready to go to the level that you are. News around town is that you get plenty of action.”

  “And you don't think there's any way that I can convince you?”

  As much as I wanted to tell him no, I couldn't force my mouth to say the line. It was just that kind of a lie.

  “Well then, that’s good news for me, isn’t it?”

  He was optimistic, I will give it to him, but at the same time, I was worried about what that meant. Why had I said that? I’d told myself I wasn’t going to do anything stupid, ye
t here I was, being an idiot. When he offered me another shot, I took it.

  “Why don’t we play a little game, Heather?”

  I knew what some of his ideas of a game were and it made me a little worried. I don’t know why, but I was practically shaking. The booze wasn’t helping and when I had lost a hand of cards and it meant that we had to kiss, or I had to lose an article of clothing, I knew I was in trouble.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Didn’t you hear the rules? I told you when I was first handing out cards.”

  I hadn’t been paying attention. I had been admiring the hot guy that was shuffling the cards. Even something as easy as that had his biceps bulging and it was making me all hot and bothered. He could have told me all of his deep, dark secrets in that moment, but I wouldn’t have even heard it. I was that far out of it, and I knew that it was because of our close proximity.

  “So, I have to kiss you or take off an article of clothing?”

  He agreed and I sort of shrugged. I wanted to kiss him, but even seven shots in, I knew that it was dangerous. It would be better if I hadn’t lost, but poker never had been my game. Casper knew that and I swear, he was using it to his advantage.

  “That’s it.”

  “This is nonsense. You know that, right?”

  He agreed that it was, but I knew that he wasn't going to back out of it. How had I gotten myself into this position? It was one thing to take off my shirt. That was no big deal, but it was another thing altogether for a kiss. That was the last thing that I wanted to do.

  So, I pulled the shirt over my head and threw it on the table towards him.

  “Now?”

  “Now we play again.”

  He said the words at the same time that his eyes were looking over my body. It was hard for me to say much of anything with that kind of scrutiny, but I tried my best to not let it get to me. I was trying to act like this wasn't bothering me at all, even though it was making me nervous as all get out.

  I watched him deal out the cards and hoped for a better hand. I don't think I was going to be able to sit here and let him get me this way. It seemed only right, that I would get a good show from him as well.

  He lost the next two hands and even though I thought that's what I wanted, it turned out that it was not what I wanted at all. It was too hard to look at him without his shirt on. He had this smile on his face, telling me that he knew exactly what was going on.

  Casper had always been a good-looking man. When we were seeing each other before, I remembered many times running my hands up and down the muscles of his chest and stomach. Now, those muscles were bigger, tighter and for some reason, they were even harder to look at. The whole time, all I wanted to do was touch him. I knew that was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. That's what I wanted.

  It was time for the fourth hand, and I didn't know if I should throw the game or not. At this point, there wasn't much left for him to take off. He was already sitting in his boxers and there was definitely a part of him that I didn't want to see.

  “Why don't we call it a night, Casper?”

  He had this look on his face, like I had killed his best friend and for a moment I actually felt guilty for the idea of ending the game. I felt it for a moment, leaving things the way they were.

  “You really want to stop… now?”

  He gestured towards himself and his nakedness. Of course, I didn't want to stop now, but I really didn't have a choice. If I stayed, I was going to do more that I would regret later.

  “Yeah, I think it's a good idea. I should get back to my room. I don't want Ellie to wake up and see that I'm gone.”

  He looked frustrated and I could imagine why. I was feeling frustrated myself. This is where I was supposed to be, with him, I knew it. But that didn't seem to matter. One way or another, something was always keeping us apart and this time, it was my own mind in the way. How many times had I had to tell myself over and over again that we weren't supposed to be together? I had wanted it to be true so badly, that it had been all I could think about. But now things were different.

  “At least give me a kiss before you go. You got me all riled up for nothing.”

  “You were the one that always riled yourself up, Casper.”

  He looked down for a moment and told me that I was right.

  “I never could understand how to deal with a woman like you, especially when you would get me right to the edge and then yank me back, over and over again.”

  I didn't want him to be mad at me, so I leaned in for a kiss. It was just going to be a little one. A peck really, but something happened and the next thing I know, I'm wrapped in his arms and his near-naked body was pressed up against mine. The part of him that I had not seen, was tight against my body and I didn't have to see it, to know everything about it. I could feel it pressed up against me.

  It jerked and made me pull back in surprise. I really needed to get out of here.

  Casper said something about me running away as I was leaving, and I didn't have to agree with him. We both know it was true.

  11

  Casper

  I growled out loud, once Heather left. I couldn't believe that she had taken off. I was so sure that I had her in just the right position. I wanted her in the position that she couldn't tell me no. Now she could certainly tell me no, and I did not like it at all. She was gone and I was left with a hard-on that seemed very familiar to me now.

  A big part of me wanted to go back out into the city. I knew that it wouldn't take more than five or ten minutes in any bar or club, to find someone to satiate the needs that were running through me. It wouldn't have taken much at all to get what I wanted, but then again, I figured out a while back that it wasn't what I wanted. The whole time I was worried about getting her back in my arms, but the real problem was going to be keeping her there.

  I went to bed instead of going out, because I knew that whoever I found was not going to be what I wanted. I had unfortunately learned a long time ago after Heather, that no matter how beautiful another woman was, intellectual, whatever, she would never be enough. I had found women that were better in all ways compared to Heather, but it still wasn't enough. It had become the bane of my existence and even though I partook in the pleasure of many women, that did not mean that I found it as satisfying as I wanted to.

  The next morning, I got up and tried to shake the night before off. It was hard to do, when my balls were literally sore from getting excited and then being let down so many times. It was just one more time, as far as I was concerned.

  I got to Heather and Ellie’s room and knocked on the door quietly. It was still pretty early, but for some reason I couldn't sleep much past the sun coming up. I knew that it was because of all the thoughts and fantasies running through my head. They weren't doing any good, certainly not doing me any favors.

  “Come in.”

  I could recognize Eileen’s voice immediately, and I opened the door. Midge and Dottie were on the deck eating breakfast. Ellie was in the room making some coffee and asked me if I would like some.

  “Sure, that sounds good.”

  “So, Casper. What happened to you and Heather last night?”

  “Why, what do you mean? What happened? What was said?”

  I couldn't see Heather anywhere and that worried me for some reason. I don't know why I, but I was convinced that something horrible had happened after she left me last night.

  “Nothing, geez. I thought Heather was uptight. Maybe you guys are perfect for each other.”

  That threw me off a little bit, because Ellie had always had a few choice words for me. She did not like me and had been very vocal of the fact that me and Heather shouldn't be together. I actually hated Ellie for quite some time.

  I was convinced that it was her fault that me and Heather couldn't be together, but then I learned the truth. It really had nothing to do with her friends, but more her mother. I wasn't good enough for her and her family, according to Nancy.
Ellie, I think, had just gone along with it to help make it easier on Heather.

  With that in mind, I wasn't really sure how I felt about it now. She had helped me out in a way without even knowing it, but then again, she also looked at me like she knew exactly what she was doing.

  “I never thought I would hear you say that.”

  “I never thought that I would say something like this, but I see what you're doing to Heather.”

  “And what is that?”

  This wasn’t going to be good…

  “Bringing her back to life, Casper. She really needed it.”

  “I don't know what to say to that, Ellie.”

  “You don't have to say anything. The three of us are going to go out for a little while. I just wanted to say that. We’ve had a rough relationship at times, but I see it now.”

  “The three of you?”

  “Yeah, me, Midge, and Dottie.”

  “What about Heather? You guys really shouldn't go out by yourselves. Even if it is daylight.”

  “We will be fine, Casper. Why don’t you stay here with Heather? She doesn’t look very good.”

  Ellie winked at me and I just shook my head. I don’t think I was ever going to really understand that woman.

  “Why are you helping me, Ellie? You used to agree with her mom.”

  “Not because of the money thing. I thought you would hurt my friend, but losing you was far worse for her. I see that now.”

  That had me thinking very different thoughts about Ellie. I thought that I knew what she was all about, but I was starting to realize that I really had no clue. I had been so wrong about so many things. It was hard to rectify it all in my mind.

 

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